Bill’s Single Again, Folks

It finally take place . After 27 years , meg of dollar and a few lucrative Christian Bible deals between them , Bill and Melinda Gatesfinalized their divorceon Monday , marking the end of one of the most wholesome power couple of our clip — or at least , formerly wholesome . Ever since the two announced their impending stock split last May , some pretty … icky stories about Bill set out to bubble up , including details on hisrelationshipwith Jeffrey Epstein and tag book ofquestionable behaviorwith woman under his employ . Even the New York Post jumped in the fray ( multipletimes ) ! gratuitous to say , if this guy rope ’s going to get back into the dating scene , he ’s go bad to require a serious icon upgrade . Luckily , I ’m here to help .

I ’m not a professional dating coach by any mean value , but I am a master at setting up my straight dandy friends with my straight lady friends . In the old country , I ’d probably be screw as a shadchanit , which loosely translates to “ someone who will edit your Tinder bio in exchange for a escaped cigarette . ”

He can probably afford cigs in nigra , but I decided ( in the spirit of philanthropy ) to offer Bill some freebies to throw on the dating app profile he most definitely has . Girls , he ’s available .